this is just a little random drop in. I may have a card to share with you today ~ depending. It has been so long :o) lol. I wanted to tell you a bit about what has been on my heart. Myself. Yup, that is right ... me, myself and I .. but not in the way you are thinking. I have come to realize that I am not doing all I can do to grow in Christ's love, my marriage, my relationship with my family, sharing love with my children in every way possible, and not loving myself in turn. I have got caught up in the 'i don't want to's' that it has taken over much of my day. The cleaning, cooking homeschooling, dance ... all of it have become irritating to me and all you hear is grumble grumble moan grunt. Yea, nice huh. I spend my days here in my little world of complaints running through my head wishing there was more time for this or that or wishing what I was doing was over. Instead of finding the fun, the love, the blessings in my life I have been dwelling on these daily tasks as a rock I keep slamming my toe into. OVER AND OVER AND OVER. I am teaching my kids all kinds of WONDERFUL things with my actions (notice the WONDERFUL in all caps to let you know I am being sarcastic). My husband calls and I am always irritated or just do not have time to talk. My mom invites us over, but I know what goes on here most days and that it drives me crazy and I think she must be crazy to want to have that over at her house, so I decline her invitation. I think, you just got rid of us, lol, enjoy your time and do what you want to do. Do I really feel that way? No, not at all. I do enjoy and want to more and more every minute I have with my children while they are young and will still have something to do with me :o). I want to show them love in everything I do. In all the madness, they have learned that tantrums, bickering, back talking and stomping and slamming doors REALLY gets under moms skin and they can either do it enough to where I blow up or they can break me down. In turn I have learned to backtalk, stomp, throw tantrums and bicker and slam doors right along side them .. until they either blow up or break down. Yay me!!! Isn't that great? :/
Last week one of Hannahs lessons focused on the scripture Psalms 19:14 14Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. and Matthew 12: 34 for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. The lesson continued to speak about the actions we take and the things we think of say. The questions answered "If you think or speak evil things, then you have evil in your heart. When you have love and Jesus in your heart, your words and actions reflect that. Hmmm.... so the things I think and say... Poor Hannah was looking at me funny ~ probably thinking "Oh no! My mom has an evil heart!"
I hear from people, friends, strangers .. you are so pretty (I dont think I am, so dont think this is a conceded speech coming on). What is beauty though really? Just something that makes our eyes happy? We like to look at pretty things? Right? So, what about when you cut that pretty thing open and find an ugly heart? I dont want to be beautiful, but to have a beautiful heart, the one God started me off with, the one that was full of love for him, my family, my life, daily chores that were done FOR my family out of love ... My mom and sister have beautiful hearts. They just radiate. They are so patient and so giving and loving.
I have gotten carried away with my little vent or whatever you would call it. I guess this is my journal page of the month :o). I used to do this alot more often. This is not a feel sorry for me or a speech to get pity. I KNOW I am wrong and need to change. This is more for me, to open my heart and get this out so that now that I have maybe I can move forward and start to change these things.
to read more about help in raising your children, marriage, relationships and so on, the Bible is a GREAT study guide!!! Also check out this website for a lot of great help and advice.